Question:

Our scriptures tell us that Shri Radha loves Shri Krishna with Madhurya bhav (a lover-beloved relationship). The same scriptures instruct us to keep our senses in control.

Why do scriptures have double standards? If it is okay for Shri Radha Krishna to have a lover beloved relationship, why is it wrong for us to love another worldly person?

Answer:

In order to compare two things one needs to know characteristics of both of those things. We already know about worldly "love". So, before we compare worldly "love" with the love of Shri Radha Krishna, it is necessary to understand a few salient points about the divine philosophy.
• What is love?
• Who is Shri Radha?
• What is the ideology of Shri Radha’s love for Shyam Sundar?

Once we are equipped with this knowledge then we will be able to compare and contrast the two.

What is love?

Love is a divine entity.

It is said that the milk of a lioness can only be stored in a pot made of pure gold; if it is poured into a pot made of any other metal, it will spoil. Similarly, “true love” can only be contained in a divine mind; it cannot be contained in a material mind and body (1). If divine love were to be poured into a material mind, the material body would burn and not even ash would be found.

Those desirous of achieving divine love, must first prepare the receptacle to receive and accept that love. For doing so they have to relinquish all desires, including the desire to attain earthly luxuries, the desire to attain the luxuries of celestial abodes and the desire for Mukti from the shackles of Maya. If there is even a hint of these desires, the individual soul will not be able to place the first step on the path of love.

In addition, to relinquishing all desires, the seeker must accept the guidance of a genuine rasik saint(2), who has already received this divine love.

​When an aspirant practices devotion with a firm faith that the real bliss is God, he naturally forsakes all worldly desires (3) and the desire of liberation from Maya. Thus, when the mind becomes completely pure, the spiritual master removes the veil of Maya, transforms the material senses and material mind into divine senses and divine mind and bestows divine love, eventually leading the aspirant to God. This is the first step of divine love, known as prem.

Although, a devotee attains divine love only after he abandons all worldly desires and the desire of liberation, yet after God realization he might still harbor a desire to experience and enjoy God with all five senses - to enjoy His words, touch, beauty, nectar, and fragrance for self-happiness. According to the ideology of Shri Radha, this is also not termed as selfless love.    

Altogether, there are 8 levels of divine love. The first step of perfect love is called prem; after prem there are 7 more levels of love, each level is higher in bliss and the intimacy one experiences with the Supreme Lord namely Prem,Sneh,Maan, Pranay,Raag,Anuraag,Bhavavesh,Mahabhav.

With each progressive level, the desire for self-happiness reduces and the desire to please Shri Krishna increases. Those who worship God with dasya bhav (servitude) reach Prem bhakti,
• sakhya bhav (fraternal love) devotees can reach upto Sneh bhakti,
• vatsalya bhav (maternal love) bhakt can reach upto Anuraag bhakti.
• selfless madhurya bhav
• (conjugal) devotees can reach the higher levels of bhakti.

​One can attain these levels as per the intensity of one's desire to serve Him thus please Him and Him alone.

At the 7th level of bhavavesh, the devotee experiences unlimited and ever new bliss in Shri Krishna. Such a devotee experiences unbearable pain seeing even a little discomfort to Shri Krishna and experiences immense joy, seeing the slightest bit of smile on Shri Krishna’s face.

The selflessness reaches its pinnacle in mahabhav. In this state, if one’s own suffering brings joy to Shri Krishna, the devotee rejoices in that suffering. Likewise, if the biggest source of one’s own happiness, causes grief to Shri Krishna, it becomes the biggest reason of agony for the devotee. Following a description of the state of the Gopis, who love Shri Krishna whole heartedly as their beloved:

अटति यद् भवानह्नि कानने, त्रुटिर्युगायते त्वामपश्यताम्।कुटिल कुन्तलं च श्रीमुखं च ते, जड़ उदीक्षतां पक्ष्मकृद् दृशाम्। भाग​ १०.३१.१५
aṭati yad bhavānahni kānane, truṭiryugāyate tvāmapaśyatām।kuṭila kuntalaṁ ca śrīmukhaṁ ca te, jaड़ udīkṣatāṁ pakṣmakr̥d dr̥śām। bhāga​ 10.31.15

Gopis beholding the sight of Shri Krishna returning from forest
When Shri Krishna returns from forest, the Gopis behold the sight of Shri Krishna and say,“O Shyam Sundar! When you leave in the morning to graze the cows, beholding your divine vision our thirst subsides but a little. And remembering the same exquisite sight, we somehow manage to spend the entire day, while yearning to see you again when you return from the forest in the evening. Each and every moment of the day seems like an era.

When you come back in the evening, we drink the nectar of the beauty of Your lotus-face and curly hair. And at the same time we really get annoyed with Brahma (creator) because he is so short-sighted - despite knowing that these eyes will behold Your divine vision, he made only two eyes in the entire body and then he made the eyelids, which involuntarily blink constantly. He has no idea of the pain we endure when the blinking of the eyelids deprive us of your darshan !!”

Who can fathom such an intense feeling in this state of love.

Only those devotees, who love Shri Krishna as their beloved and Shri Radha as their most loving swamini (queen) can reach level the last two highest levels of love - Bhavavesh, and Mahabhav. Those devotees are called Gopis.

Every action of these devotees is geared towards pleasing Shri Radha Krishna - The Divine Couple. Their love, devotion, knowledge, dharm and happiness is focused on pleasing Shri Radha-Krishna. That’s why even though thousands of gopis, along with Shri Radha, love Shri Krishna as their beloved, yet there is no feeling of lust, covetousness, jealousy or contention.

When this is the state of love of Gopis, then who can describe the love of Shri Radha. Shri Radha's love is the pinnacle of love.

Who is Shri Radha?

The highest state of mahabhav splits in two more levels - Roorh(रूढ़ महाभाव​): Only the most intimate gopis can reach this stage.
• Adhiroorh(अधिरूढ़ महाभाव​): Adhiroorh*is accessible to Shri Krishna only.

Adhiroorhmahabhavfurther splits into two entities - modan and madan. As Shri Roop Goswami Ji says in Ujjaval Neelmani-

सर्व भावोद्गमोल्लासी मादनोऽयं परात्परः । राजते ह्लादिनी सारो राधायामेव यः सदा ॥
sarva bhāvodgamollāsī mādano'yaṁ parātparaḥ । rājate hlādinī sāro rādhāyāmeva yaḥ sadā ॥

"Madan is highest form of love and only Shri Radha can reach that state."

The love of Radha is so esoteric, that its selflessness cannot be comprehended even by Lord Brahma or Lord Shankar etc. Lord Shankar assumed the form of a gopi to attain this love. Lord Brahma (creator) said in Bhagavat

षष्ठिवर्ष सहस्त्राणि मया तप्तं तपः पुरा । नंदगोपब्रजस्त्रीणां पादरेणुपलब्धये । तथानि न मया प्राप्तास्तासां वै पादरेणवः ॥
ṣaṣṭhivarṣa sahastrāṇi mayā taptaṁ tapaḥ purā । naṁdagopabrajastrīṇāṁ pādareṇupalabdhaye । tathāni na mayā prāptāstāsāṁ vai pādareṇavaḥ ॥

“I observed austerity for 60,000 years just to attain the foot dust of the gopis (gopis are the emblem of selfless love). Yet I could not attain it.”

Let us understand gopi's love with an example and then compare and contrast that with other levels of true love before we answer the question at hand.

Once Shri Krishna pretended to suffer from an unbearable headache. Despite multiple remedies the pain did not subside. Meanwhile, Narad Ji arrived and asked what medicine would provide Him some relief. Lord Krishna said, “The foot dust of My devotee is My medicine. I’ll smear it on my head and I'll be cured.” Narad Ji asked all of Shyama Sundar’s 16,108 queens in Dwarka for their foot-dust, but none were willing to give it, for the fear of violating the injunctions of the Vedas thus suffering in narak and facing defamation. Even saint Narad decided not to part with his foot dust, thinking this to be a ploy of Shri Krishna.

Saint Narad went to all the sovereign  devotees in all the loka. Everyone refused saying, "I can lay down my life for Him, but how can I give my foot dust to apply on my Lord's forehead?” Eventually, Shri Krishna suggested that paying a visit to the gopis might help.

Narad Ji went to the maidens of Braj. As soon as the gopis heard about Shyam Sundar’s headache, the gopis said,”Narad Ji ! Please don’t spare a moment. Take as much of our foot dust as you want and go immediately”.

Narad Ji was stunned. He asked, “Gopis! Don’t you know who Shri Krishna is and what will be the outcome of giving your foot dust for Him to smear on His forehead?”

Gopis responded by saying,”Narad Ji! You may ask these questions later. For now, go immediately! You might be concerned that we have not considered the outcome of giving our foot dust to Him. So Narad Ji ! listen carefully.

We know He is Brahma-Supreme God (4) and we might be condemned to immense suffering in the most horrible narak. We have been to the hellish abodes innumerable times. We’d gladly live forever in narak, if, giving our foot dust could ease the pain that our beloved is going through.”

Narad Ji was entranced to hear this answer. Gopiswere so selfless!! People fear the atrocities of narakand Gopiswillingly choose narakif it brings pleasure to Shri Krishna!! He realized the greatness of their love, so he first applied their foot dust on his head and then went back to Dwarika. When the queens heard about the unselfish love of these Gopisthey too realized why Shri Krishna loves them the most. 

When such is the love of Gopis for Shri Krishna then there can be no words to describe Shri Radha Rani's love for Shri Krishna. 

What is the ideology of Shri Radha’s love for Shyam Sundar?

| Once, Shri Krishna along with all the queens went to Siddhashram (सिद्दाश्रम​) to bathe in Ganges river. Coincidentally, Shri Radha also visited the same place at the same time with her numerous friends. Queen Rukmini, the principle queen of Shri Krishna, had heard a lot about Shri Radha’s unparalleled stunning beauty. Anxious to meet Shri Radha, queen Rukmini invited Shri Radha into her tent and Shri Radha humbly accepted.As Shri Radha entered the tent of Rukmini, the queens were spellbound to see her beauty, effulgence and elegance. They warmly welcomed Shri Radha and Her associates. Then Rukmini asked a question. “All the queens enjoy intimate relationship with Shri Krishna. The gopis also love Shri Krishna as their beloved. Aren’t you jealous of all of us?” Radha Rani smiled sweetly and answered very elegantly,

चन्द्रो यथैको बहवश्चकोराः, सूर्यो यथैको बहवः दृशस्युः ।श्रीकृष्ण चन्द्रो भगवाँस्थैको, भक्ता भगिन्यो बहवो वयं च ॥
candro yathaiko bahavaścakorāḥ, sūryo yathaiko bahavaḥ dr̥śasyuḥ ।śrīkr̥ṣṇa candro bhagavām̐sthaiko, bhaktā bhaginyo bahavo vayaṁ ca ॥

If one chakor were to monopolize the moon then all other chakors will die.
“My dear sisters! The moon is only one while there are millions of chakor (a bird whose sustenance depends on being able to see the moon). If one chakor were to monopolize the moon then all other chakors will die.

The sun is only one and we all get light from it. Imagine, if one person were to monopolize the sun then others would be bereft of the ability to see.

Precisely in the same manner, Shri Krishna is the only lovable personality. If I exert My monopoly over Him as My exclusive beloved, all other living beings would be bereft of the magnificent opportunity to receive His love. Second, My beloved Shyam Sundar derives immense pleasure in reciprocating their love. Then, why would I have any objection?”

Love is pure, love is sacrificing, love is kind, love is forgiving, love does not need reciprocation and it has countless other attributes.

Difference Between Lust and Love

As you can see from these examples, there is no comparison of material love or lust and the divine love of Shri Radha and Her associates. 

It is beyond our comprehension how love could be free of all physical, mental and spiritual desires. Our experience is limited to material love, therefore we speculate about divine love from our perspective.

The basis of material love is self–happiness while Shri Radha’s love has no room for self–happiness. Material love is called kaamor attachment. It is not love, it is lust. It demands and demands. While the nature of true love is to give and give only. The main characteristic of love is:

सर्वथा ध्वसरहितं सत्यपि ध्वसं कारणे ।
sarvathā dhvasarahitaṁ satyapi dhvasaṁ kāraṇe ।

“Love never ceases even it there is a genuine reason for its cessation”. The main ideology of Shri Radha’s love is to

तस्सुखसुखित्वं
tassukhasukhitvaṁ

"be happy in the happiness of the beloved" .

We have no experience of Divine love, that’s why we mistakenly call our attachments, based on selfish motives, as love. Take note of the differences between material love (kaam) and Divine love (prem) –

कामेर तात्पर्य निज संभोग केवल​,    कृष्ण सुख तात्पर्य, प्रेम तो प्रबल ।लोक धर्म, वेद धर्म, कर्म​, लज्जा,    धैर्य, देह सुख​, आत्मसुख मर्म ।सर्व त्याग करये कृष्णेर भजन,    कृष्ण सुख हेतु करे प्रेमेर सेवन ।अतएव कामे प्रेमे बहुत अंतर​,    काम अंधतम प्रेम निर्मल भास्कर ॥
kāmera tātparya nija saṁbhoga kevala​,    kr̥ṣṇa sukha tātparya, prema to prabala ।loka dharma, veda dharma, karma​, lajjā,    dhairya, deha sukha​, ātmasukha marma ।sarva tyāga karaye kr̥ṣṇera bhajana,    kr̥ṣṇa sukha hetu kare premera sevana ।ataeva kāme preme bahuta aṁtara​,    kāma aṁdhatama prema nirmala bhāskara ॥

Gopis love, devotion, knowledge, dharm and happiness is focused on pleasing Shri Radha-Krishna.
“Material love (kaam) provides physical gratification, while divine love provides happiness to Shri Krishna. A devotee loves Shri Krishna and abandons all the shackles of society, clan, injunctions of Vedas, physical comfort, decorum, patience, and self–happiness.

Hence, there is a vast difference between kaam and prem. Kaam is utter darkness, and prem is purest light.”

The love of Shri Radha is not comprehensible even by Lord Brahma, Lord Shankar etc. Hence, comparing our lust with the purest love of Shri Radha is completely absurd indeed, rather insane.

We cannot reach this level of love Gopi's overnight. Just like a toddler does not become a scholar overnight. Yet many have attained Gopi prem.We too can attain it by surrendering (5)(6)(7) to a a Rasik Saint and  following his instructions. By and by as one starts on the path of  sadhana bhakti, then bhav bhakti the mind will become purer, love will become more selfless. Finally, Guru will grace the soul with siddha bhakti. In that too based on your intensity, sentiment and selflessness you will attain the higher levels of siddha bhakti.

And now to answer your question -
Our scriptures tell us to control our senses to spare us from the miseries of the world(3). There is no trace of true lasting happiness in the world (8). We get attached to the people and the other matters of the world in anticipation of attaining happiness. However, when we don’t find happiness, we become miserable which might be expressed in the form of anguish, anger, jealousy, ego, greed, passion, depression, anxiety, fear etc. which further increases distress (9)(10)(11).

Therefore, be wise and divert your attachment towards God and live in peace and attain everlasting bliss.

LEARN MORE

(1) Jeev
(2) Saint
(3) Nature of the world
(4) Bhagavan-Shri Krishna
(5) How do I Surrender
(6) Why yield to a saint, not directly to God?
(7) ​How does Guru help us in spiritual growth?
​(8) The happiness that we really seek
​(9) Overcome Fear of Death
(10) Message on Death (Video in Hindi)
​(11) Combat Lonliness Depression, Worries Etc