Lust is Not Love
Question :
Our scriptures tell us that Shri Radha loves Shri Krishna with Madhurya bhav (a lover-beloved relationship), yet they also instruct us to control our senses. This can seem like a contradiction. How can a spiritual path glorify a lover-beloved relationship while discouraging it in our own lives?
To understand this, we must first recognize that worldly "love" and the love of Shri Radha Krishna are two fundamentally different things.
Answer :
In order to compare two things one needs to know characteristics of both of those things. We already know about worldly "love". So, before we compare worldly "love" with the love of Shri Radha Krishna, it is necessary to understand a few salient points about the divine philosophy.
Once we are equipped with this knowledge then we will be able to compare and contrast the two. So, let us explore the topic first.
What is Divine Love?
Love is a divine entity. Just as hot ambers cannot be held in a container made of paper, the divine love cannot be held in a material mind and body. Just like the paper turns to ash due to the heat, the potency of divine love is so high that if the divine love were is poured into a material mind then the material body would burn and not even ash would be found. True love can only exist within a divine mind.
Those desirous of achieving divine love, must first prepare the antahkaran (receptacle) to receive and accept that love. For doing so they have to relinquish all desires. This includes not just worldly luxuries, but also celestial comforts and even the desire for Mukti (liberation) from the shackles of Maya. Even a hint of these desires prevents the first step on the path of love.
The next step is even more important. The seeker must accept the guidance of a genuine rasik saint. This is a person who has already received this divine love. Then comes the next step where many people fail. It is to actually practice devotion as prescribed by the Guru.
This practise of bhakti purifies the mind of all desires. Then the genuine rasik saint will transform the mind to be divine and pour divine love in that mind. This is the first step of divine love, known as prem. Even at this stage, a devotee may still have a desire for self-happiness, which is why there are further levels of love.
The Eight Levels of Divine Love
Divine love is not a single state but a progression through eight levels, each one offering a higher degree of bliss and intimacy with the Supreme Lord.
With each level, the desire for self-happiness diminishes, and the desire to please Shri Krishna increases. Those with
- dasya bhav (servitude) reach Prem bhakti,
- sakhya bhav (fraternal love) devotees can reach upto Sneh bhakti ,
- vatsalya bhav (maternal love) bhakt can reach upto Anuraag bhakti .
- selfless madhurya bhav (conjugal) devotees can reach the higher levels of bhakti.
One can attain these levels as per the intensity of one's desire to serve Him thus please Him and Him alone.
At the seventh level, bhavavesh , the devotee feels unbearable pain at Shri Krishna slightest discomfort and immense joy from His slightest smile.
The selflessness reaches its pinnacle in mahabhav . In this state, a devotee finds joy in their own suffering if it brings happiness to Shri Krishna. On the contrary if the biggest source of one’s own happiness, causes grief to Shri Krishna, it becomes the biggest reason of agony for the devotee. This is the sate of gopis of Braj. The gopis famously expressed their pure, selfless love after Shri Krishna returns from forest,
अटति यद् भवानह्नि कानने, त्रुटिर्युगायते त्वामपश्यताम्।कुटिल कुन्तलं च श्रीमुखं च ते, जड़ उदीक्षतां पक्ष्मकृद् दृशाम्। भाग १०.३१.१५
aṭati yad bhavānahni kānane, truṭiryugāyate tvāmapaśyatām।kuṭila kuntalaṁ ca śrīmukhaṁ ca te, jaड़ udīkṣatāṁ pakṣmakr̥d dr̥śām। bhāga 10.31.15
“O Shyam Sundar! When you leave in the morning to graze the cows, beholding your divine vision our thirst subsides but a little. And remembering the same exquisite sight, we somehow manage to spend the entire day, while yearning to see you again when you return from the forest in the evening. Each and every moment of the day seems like an era.
When you come back in the evening, we drink the nectar of the beauty of Your lotus-face and curly hair. And at the same time we are annoyed with Brahma (creator) because He is so inconsiderate. Despite knowing that these eyes will behold Your divine vision, he made only two eyes in the entire body and then he made the eyelids, which involuntarily blink constantly. He has no idea of the pain we endure when the blinking of the eyelids deprive us of your darshan !!”
Who can fathom such an intense feeling in this state of love .
This is the intensity of their love. Only devotees who love Shri Krishna as their beloved and Shri Radha as their most loving swamini (Her Ladyship) can reach level the can reach the highest levels of - Bhavavesh, and Mahabhav. Those devotees are called Gopis.
Every action of these devotees is geared towards pleasing Shri Radha Krishna - The Divine Couple . Their love, devotion, knowledge, dharm and happiness is focused on pleasing Shri Radha-Krishna. That’s why even though thousands of gopis, along with Shri Radha, love Shri Krishna as their beloved, yet there is no feeling of lust, covetousness, jealousy or contention.
When this is the state of love of Gopis , then who can describe the love of Shri Radha. Shri Radha's love is the pinnacle of love.
The Gold Standard of Pure Selfless Love
To truly understand the difference between worldly and divine love, we can look at the love of the gopis and Shri Radha.
The Tale of the Foot Dust
Once, in Dwarka the kind and playful Lord Krishna got a terrible headache. It wasn't a real headache, of course, because Krishna is God, but he was pretending to show everyone a very important lesson. He groaned and held his head, looking very sad.
All of his wives in the palace of Dwarka rushed to him, but no matter what they did, the pain wouldn't go away. Just then, the wise Sage Narada arrived. Krishna's wives were so happy to see him and begged him to help their dear husband.
Narad Ji knew that this is a self created pain, so a self medication will be the only remedy. So, Sage Narad asked Shri Krishna, Narada asked Krishna, "What is the only thing that can help you, my Lord?"
Krishna said, "My headache will only get better if I put a little dust from the feet of one of my true devotees on my head."
Narada was very surprised. He went to each of Krishna's 16,108 wives and asked for some dust from their feet. But none of them would give it. They loved Krishna more than anything, but they also knew that per the Scriptures, a wife should never put her feet near her husband's head. They were afraid they would be sent to narak if they did something so wrong.
Narad Ji asked all of Shyama Sundar’s 16,108 queens in Dwarka for their foot-dust, but none were willing to give it. In Sanatan Dharma wives worship their husbands. It would be immoral for wife to smear her foot dust on her husband's forehead. Consequence of doing so is suffering in narak and facing defamation.
For a moment Sage Narad considered putting his own foot dust of Shri Krishna's forehead. But soon dismissed the idea thinking this to be a ploy of Shri Krishna.
Saint Narad went to all the great devotees in all the loka Everyone refused saying, "I can lay down my life for Him, but how can I give my foot dust to apply on my Lord's forehead?”
Then, Krishna smiled and said, "Go to the village of Braj and ask the Gopis. They might be able to help."
So Narada went to Braj and told the Gopis about Krishna's headache. The moment they heard it, their hearts ached with pain, too.
"Narada Ji!" they cried. "Please, take our foot dust! Take as much as you need and go back quickly to save our beloved Krishna from his pain!"
Narada was amazed. "Don't you know what will happen to you?" he asked. "You will be sent to a horrible place of suffering forever!"
But the Gopis didn't care. They looked at Narada with so much love in their eyes. "We would live in that awful place forever," they said, "if it would just make our Krishna happy and take away his pain."
Narada understood their love. It was so pure and so strong that it was worth more than their own happiness, or even their own souls. He took their foot dust, bowed his head to them in respect, and hurried back to Dwarka. As soon as he placed the dust on Krishna's head, the headache disappeared.
And that is how everyone learned about the Gopis' selfless love. They showed that true love isn't about what you get, but what you are willing to give, even if it means giving everything.
When such is the love of Gopis for Shri Krishna then there can be no words to describe Shri Radha Rani's love for Shri Krishna.
Shri Radha's Love
The highest state of mahabhav splits in two more levels -
- Roodh(रूढ़ महाभाव): Only the most intimate gopis can reach this stage.
- Adhiroodh (अधिरूढ़ महाभाव): Adhiroorh is accessible to Shri Krishna only.
Adhiroodh mahabhav further splits into two entities - modan and madan. As Shri Roop Goswami Ji says in Ujjaval Neelmani-
सर्व भावोद्गमोल्लासी मादनोऽयं परात्परः । राजते ह्लादिनी सारो राधायामेव यः सदा ॥
sarva bhāvodgamollāsī mādano'yaṁ parātparaḥ । rājate hlādinī sāro rādhāyāmeva yaḥ sadā ॥
" Madan is highest form of love and only Shri Radha can reach that state."
The love of Radha is so esoteric that even Lord Shankar and Brahma cannot comprehend it. Lord Brahma (creator) said in Bhagavat
षष्ठिवर्ष सहस्त्राणि मया तप्तं तपः पुरा । नंदगोपब्रजस्त्रीणां पादरेणुपलब्धये । तथानि न मया प्राप्तास्तासां वै पादरेणवः ॥
ṣaṣṭhivarṣa sahastrāṇi mayā taptaṁ tapaḥ purā । naṁdagopabrajastrīṇāṁ pādareṇupalabdhaye । tathāni na mayā prāptāstāsāṁ vai pādareṇavaḥ ॥
“I performed penance for 60,000 years just to attain the foot dust of the gopis (gopis are the emblem of selfless love). Yet I could not attain it.”
Once, Shri Krishna along with all the queens went to Siddhashram (सिद्दाश्रम) to bathe in Ganges river. Coincidentally, Shri Radha also visited the same place at the same time with her numerous friends. Queen Rukmini, the principle queen of Shri Krishna, had heard a lot about Shri Radha’s unparalleled stunning beauty.
Anxious to meet Shri Radha, Queen Rukmini invited Shri Radha into her tent and Shri Radha humbly accepted. As Shri Radha entered the tent of Rukmini, the queens were spellbound to see her beauty, effulgence and elegance.
They warmly welcomed Shri Radha and Her associates. Then Rukmini asked a question. “All the queens enjoy intimate relationship with Shri Krishna. The gopis also love Shri Krishna as their beloved. Aren’t you jealous of all of us?”
Radha Rani smiled sweetly and answered very elegantly,
चन्द्रो यथैको बहवश्चकोराः, सूर्यो यथैको बहवः दृशस्युः ।
श्रीकृष्ण चन्द्रो भगवाँस्थैको, भक्ता भगिन्यो बहवो वयं च ॥
candro yathaiko bahavaścakorāḥ, sūryo yathaiko bahavaḥ dr̥śasyuḥ ।śrīkr̥ṣṇa candro bhagavām̐sthaiko, bhaktā bhaginyo bahavo vayaṁ ca ॥
"Just as there is one moon for millions of cakor birds, and one sun for all to see, Śrī Kr̥ṣṇa is the one lovable personality. If I were to monopolize Him, all other living beings would be deprived of His love. Since My Beloved derives immense pleasure from reciprocating their love, why would I have any objection?"
Love is pure, love is sacrificing, love is kind, love is forgiving, love does not need reciprocation and it has countless other attributes.
Difference Between Lust and Love
Based on these examples, it's clear there is no comparison between material lust (kaam) and the divine love of Shri Radha and Her associates.
It is beyond our comprehension how love could be free of all physical, mental and spiritual desires. Our experience is limited to material love, therefore we speculate divine love from our perspective.
The basis of material love is self–happiness while Shri Radha’s love has no room for self–happiness. Material love is called kaam or attachment. It is not love, it is lust. It demands and demands. While the nature of true love is to give and give only. The main characteristic of love is:
सर्वथा ध्वसरहितं सत्यपि ध्वसं कारणे ।
sarvathā dhvasarahitaṁ satyapi dhvasaṁ kāraṇe ।
“Love never ceases even it there is a genuine reason for its cessation”. The main ideology of Shri Radha’s love is to
तस्सुखसुखित्वं
tassukhasukhitvaṁ
"be happy in the happiness of the beloved" .
We have no experience of Divine love, that’s why we mistakenly call our attachments, based on selfish motives, as love. Take note of the differences between material love ( kaam ) and Divine love ( prem ) –
कामेर तात्पर्य निज संभोग केवल, कृष्ण सुख तात्पर्य, प्रेम तो प्रबल ।लोक धर्म, वेद धर्म, कर्म, लज्जा, धैर्य, देह सुख, आत्मसुख मर्म ।सर्व त्याग करये कृष्णेर भजन, कृष्ण सुख हेतु करे प्रेमेर सेवन ।अतएव कामे प्रेमे बहुत अंतर, काम अंधतम प्रेम निर्मल भास्कर ॥
kāmera tātparya nija saṁbhoga kevala, kr̥ṣṇa sukha tātparya, prema to prabala ।loka dharma, veda dharma, karma, lajjā, dhairya, deha sukha, ātmasukha marma ।sarva tyāga karaye kr̥ṣṇera bhajana, kr̥ṣṇa sukha hetu kare premera sevana ।ataeva kāme preme bahuta aṁtara, kāma aṁdhatama prema nirmala bhāskara ॥
Gopis love, devotion, knowledge, dharm and happiness is focused on pleasing Shri Radha-Krishna.
“Material love ( kaam ) provides physical gratification, while divine love provides happiness to Shri Krishna. A devotee loves Shri Krishna and abandons all the shackles of society, clan, injunctions of Vedas, physical comfort, decorum, patience, and self–happiness.
Hence, there is a vast difference between kaam and prem . Kaam is utter darkness, and prem is purest light.”
The Takeaway
The scriptures tell us to control our senses to spare us from the miseries of the world. Worldly attachments lead to misery, anguish, anger, and anxiety when our expectations of happiness are not met.
The divine love of Shri Radha, on the other hand, is a love that "never ceases, even if there is a genuine reason for its cessation." Its main ideology is "be happy in the happiness of the beloved" (tassukhasukhitvam).
We cannot reach the level of the gopis overnight, but by surrendering to a Rasik Saint and following their guidance, our minds can become purer, and our love more selfless. By diverting our attachments from the temporary world to the eternal Lord, we can attain true peace and everlasting bliss.
As Jagadguruttam Shri Kripalu Ji Maharaj said:
प्रेम शब्द सब बोलें, गोविंद राधे । प्रेम अर्थ तो जाने बिरला बता दे ॥
prem śabd sab bolēṁ, goviṁd rādhē । prem arth to jānē birlā batā dē ॥
"Everyone uses the word 'love' freely but it is a very rare soul who knows the true meaning of the word."
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